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Alterego

by Jonah Ausbun

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1.
Saturday Night 04:05
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Thought I could start out running from my room Let the dreams and thoughts collect at the doorstep Take my things and become someone different Make an alter-ego that for once makes sense I’m lost, but, I’m found in the melodies I wrote on my hands I’m stressed, I, can’t compete With myself My way of coping Is Your antidote My bad habits are your night plans My last words are your tattoos After midnight, here we are On Saturday Night Turning on the lights On Saturday Night Turning on the lights I’m hiding in your smoke of a dozen kinds But I won’t take none, no I don’t wanna be you anymore I don’t wanna share your shadow The realities I missed and the people that I kissed were my mistakes If we’re all narcissists then we all agree to this “Hurt, never change” My way of coping Is Your antidote My bad habits are your night plans My last words are your tattoos After midnight, here we are On Saturday Night Turn on all the lights On Saturday Night Turn on all the lights Changing faces back and forth, stay true to me Hiding the someone I was My way of coping's your antidote, stay true to me Take away the faux pas, Let the markings on my hands stay true to me Pray my heart keeps the beat My way of coping Is Your antidote My bad habits are your night plans My last words are your tattoos After midnight, here we are On Saturday Night Turn on all the lights On Saturday Night Turn on all the lights
2.
Seconds 04:03
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The clock ticks and so does this heartbeat I keep track of the places where we meet And avoid this same road I don’t wanna get close to you I don’t wanna break off what’s left of me Of me Now Don’t pretend, don’t pretend this isn’t what you wanted I can’t figure out what I felt Don’t remember when I last slept, no I’ll be damned, I’ll be damned if I was wrong Cuz all I ever was was right And I’m barely holding on, so I’m trying to poke in but stay out Narcissists keep watch while they count seconds While they count seconds Casually wallflowering Others count beats while I count Seconds Seconds, yeah While they count seconds Seconds, yeah While they count seconds Seconds, yea Checking no ones texts on my phone, this is where I feel at home Your risque poetry Talking dirty to me The vices and virtues of sinners Turning out to be winners And I’m staying in the snow outside We accept the love we think we deserve We deserve what we don’t observe Am I getting to you yet, this is my loneliness I’m trying to poke in but stay out Narcissists keep watch while they count seconds Seconds Casually wallflowering Others count beats while I count seconds Seconds, yeah While I count seconds Seconds, yeah While I count seconds Seconds, yeah Baby let the seasons change for you Try to let the seasons change for you I’m sitting in the backseat again Can’t tell if you’re loving me or him The clock ticks by I think I care See the rain on my window Disassociating in my rear view Lock me up in pieces, oh I wish I’d forget me I’m trying to poke in but stay out Narcissists keep watch while they count seconds Seconds Casually wallflowering Others count beats while I count seconds Seconds, yeah While I count seconds Seconds, yeah While I count seconds Seconds, yeah While I count seconds Seconds, yeah While I count seconds Seconds, yeah
3.
Talking Out Loud 03:11
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I'm afraid of bad luck You're afraid of flashing lights I'm waiting on an empty car While you think the taxi aesthetic is nice Talking out loud, figuring out All of my choices When you get me alone Talking out loud, figuring out Memorizing sins when you cannot let 'em go With neon inspired attire, my head hurts It's been worse I wish I wish I was sober From your movies scenes that Play out in my head, or better yet You're like a playlist But I cannot get the metaphor straight, I cannot seem to think straight Talking out loud, figuring out All of my choices When you get me alone Talking out loud, figuring out Memorizing sins when you cannot let 'em go And maybe you could settle out I could put a name to that face again Maybe, baby, I won't sell out Just think twice before you tell me a thing Get smoother, get softer With the double edged words that you drink I'm trying to sound better It's kinda fake, but it's good to make you think Talking out loud, figuring out All of my choices When you get me alone Talking out loud, figuring out Memorizing sins when you cannot let 'em go But it's good to make you think But it's good to make you think But it's good to make you think But it's good to make you think
4.
Next to Me 03:57
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Baby, come and lay with me I got pages about the way you kiss me Don't want you to ever wanna walk away Stay here in this bed we, Got dreams in starry sky heads And hearts flowing over the top And hearts flowing over the top I’ll stay here tonight I beat the traffic lights, so Tonight’s for you Oh things just get so crazy when I'm with you I don't wanna ever let you go I've been writing pages for the longest time Trying to get the words right Trying to be as smooth as I can be But none of this matters in the long run ‘Cause as soon as I'm done I want you to wake up next to me Next to me Next to me Next to me Next to me I wanna make mistakes I wanna fall in place I don’t like me when I’m alone Stay here in this bed, we Got dreams in starry sky heads And hearts flowing over the top I can find that now I’m finding The problem was here right all along Why continue being cold When I can come home and feel your warmth Oh things just get so crazy when I'm with you I don't wanna ever let you go I've been writing pages for the longest time Trying to get the words right Trying to be as smooth as I can be But None of this matters in the long run ‘Cause as soon as I'm done I want you to wake up next to me Next to me Next to me Next to me Next to me I've been writing pages for the longest time Trying to get the words right Trying to be as smooth as I can be But none of this matters in the long run ‘Cause as soon as I'm done I want you to wake up next to me Next to me
5.
Who Ever Loved Ordinary 04:07
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I try to stop thinking from the backseat My driver won’t stop, won’t stop taunting I’m just a passenger in this state of mind I’d try anything just to get out alive In my successful position Running out of munitions You’re just a means to an end I'm tryna write all this down Before I start to fade out Maybe the best I'll ever get Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary I don’t wanna be your friend I don’t wanna be alone I don’t wanna be your friend I don’t wanna be alone It’s just a conversation That I have with myself Your subtle abdication That you had with my breath Now I don’t wanna believe If the truth can hurt me I’m just a cliché The worst of meanings Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary I don’t wanna be your friend I don’t wanna be alone I don’t wanna be your friend I don’t wanna be alone Oh, no, guess I’m something now Playing through your headphones Is the only way to talk to you Oh, no, guess i’m jealous now Terrified of what you’ve done Scared of being alone Oh, no, guess I’m something now Playing through your headphones Is the only way to talk to you Oh, no, guess i’m jealous now Terrified of what you’ve done Scared of being alone Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary I don’t wanna be your friend I don’t wanna be alone I don’t wanna be your friend I don’t wanna be alone Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary Who ever loved ordinary I don’t wanna be alone
6.
Spotify Playlist 04:27
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Pull up in your dark times on a cell phone I think I broke Maybe I’m quoting a line I got from those poets on slow speakers With Nothing to say, something to gain, a story to tell But you know ours so well You know mine too well Maybe I’ve convinced myself I’m running out of time Maybe I’m running out time to wake up So I’m looking at your Spotify playlist Wondering if I can make this better Make this better I’m playing your beat, beat on my headphones Beat, beat on my headphones Beat, beat on my headphones Beat on my I can tell you’re fading like whatever you took “It’s not your fault’ but I think it is Maybe I’m caught up in the fingerprints and evidence The photographs to erase And the warm pavement I wanna lay on I’m trying to take it slow To get emotional Is a mistake in any shape Slow dancing in my car Idiosyncrasies are Are keeping me in this dream So I’m looking at your Spotify playlist Wondering if I can make this better Make this better And your jackets on the floor of my closet, Photo’s tucked in my mirror I want us better Want us better I’m playing your beat, beat on my headphones Beat, beat on my headphones Beat, beat on my headphones Beat on my Like a Netflix drama Like breathing smoke on a winter’s night Like warming up with yours Familiar faces come back to life Like a Netflix drama Like breathing smoke on a winter’s night Like warming up with yours Familiar faces come back to life Familiar faces come back to life Familiar faces come back to life Familiar faces come back to life Familiar faces come back to life So I’m looking at your Spotify playlist Wondering if I can make this better Make this better And your jackets on the floor of my closet, Photo’s tucked in my mirror I want us better Want us better I’m playing your beat, beat on my headphones Beat, beat on my headphones Beat, beat on my headphones Beat on my
7.
Weightless 03:03
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I kinda miss the way I used to look at myself Even when i missed you, I had the company of thoughts of someone else All ya need’s a hand to hold when no one’s at your back When the person on your shoulder’s another anxiety attack I just wanna hear your voice one more time I just wanna turn up that radio as cars go by Wishin we could make it through the long stoplight Press the pedal, here we go, here we go again Oh the memories make me weightless Coasting through on midnight pavement Put your hand on top my scars Cover up until tomorrow I don’t wanna fake another victory Turn me into something you call interesting Hindsight’s 2020 in our photographs Sweatin all the small stuff in our epitaphs I just wanna hear your voice one more time I just wanna turn up that radio as cars go by Wishin we could make it through the long stoplight Press the pedal, here we go, here we go again Oh the memories make me weightless Coasting through on midnight pavement Put your hand on top my scars Cover up until tomorrow Oh the memories make me weightless Coasting through on midnight pavement Put your hand on top my scars Cover up until tomorrow Oh the memories make me weightless Coasting through on midnight pavement Put your hand on top my scars Cover up until tomorrow

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released May 16, 2020

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Jonah Ausbun Denver, Colorado

Northern Colorado-based Jonah Ausbun has developed a nostalgic pop sound for people wanting to live a little. From pop beats to indie rock, Jonah has put writing and producing together. Think of long night time drives under the stars, listening to old records in your bedroom, dancing in the kitchen. Grab your friends, hop in the car, and play the soundtrack to experience being human right now. ... more

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